How do you feel about truncated messages? Is there a point at which aborting the communication before it's sent and fully received becomes a sin?
Surrogate
after looking up the word truncated and still being confused (hey i was an art major not an english person...) i have decided to go ahead and answer your question in my own very special way.
Next time, in promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable, philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified conciseness, a compacted comprehensibleness, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.
When does a message become a message? When it's read or when it's written? Or is the message a full blown communication the second it occurs to the sender to write it? Surrogate
Dear Surrogate,
A message becomes a message when it is sent. I can't tell you how many messages i have began to write, and then changed my mind and deleted (see last post). Unless its sent to the person who it was meant for, it remains forever in obscurity and dare i say, non existance.
so, i encourage you to send those messages! Don't let them die a premature death!
Where is all the deleted text? Where does it go? Is there a heaven or hell for deleted messages? Should I feel guilt associated with my own contribution to such deletions? It seems like such a waste.
Thank you,
surrogate
Dear surrogate,
thank you for the long awaited questions. I have decided to divide your three different posts. This is part one.
of course, it was a really hard question that took lots of thought and careful research. according to the Deleted Text Bible, the deleted text, if it wasnt pornographic or mean in nature goes straight to text heaven. If it was especially good text, it will be re-incarnated into a real sentance that wont be deleted. Now if you are a text athiest who doesnt believe in the Deleted Text Bible, there is an alternative theory when it comes to the deleted text. it simply dies with no hope, angry and alone.
Just noticed you got pimped by that courageous moron with the appropriate name, "Idiot."
What do you have to say about a person that takes his pleasure from saying shitty things about others with no purpose other than to be hurtful?
Tell me, MissJane, Do you worry, as do I, that such a person must really really hate themselves? I picture a lifestyle full of chronic masturbation and canned beans. Think I'm close? And if so, how can we help this poor unfortunate?
-surrogate
Dear Surrogate,
Thank you for the question. I too just read the reactionary post about myself on the famed website. I almost feel flattered that he (?) would take the time to notice lil ol me. I am not sure what his (?) motives are, but i bet he revels in the reactions of others, and the shock value of it all. Attention is the key. He loves it! Knowing that, I feel that posts like this, where people like you and I react to his content probably eggs him on more than anything else. The way to help him would be to ignore him. After this post, I swear, I will.
My landlord lives next door. She and her grandkids make a terrible racket. They are always yelling across the parking lot of the apartments and the kids run up and down the stairs bouncing balls. I worry if I complain their will be retribution.
What's your take on this situation..What's the best way to handle it?
14u
Dear 14u,
A few years ago, my then roomate and I had a similar problem. Our landlord lived in the apartment adjacent to ours, and his stairs lined up with our stairs. Often, he would stop up and down the stairs at an alarming speed and VERY loudly. We agonized about what to do, and finally just decided to make as much racket as he did. When he would bang up and down the stairs, we would wait a few seconds and then bang up and down our stairs even louder. When he blared his music, we would wait till he turned it off and blare ours even louder. While it took some energy to be as loud as he was, it only took about a week of this before the noise level went way way down. Since you probably shouldn't complain to your landlord ABOUT your landlord, why not give her a taste of her own medicine?
Long before there was any sort of Blog world, there were these things called newspapers. They don't exist anymore, but I seem to remember a few different advice columnists who plied their trade each day answering questions about the proper way to handle a surprise pregnancy in the fifth grade, or an impending divorce from unfaithful fifth wife, or a boss who expected more than the envelopes licked each day at the office.
I've noticed that by and large, your advice column avoids these tried and true, if sordid, topics.
Why? They made for great water cooler conversation, plus it would allow you to hoist yourself up upon a far loftier perch from which, instead of giving your good and eminently usable advice, you could sit in harsh judgment, lashing out and scolding, which is, as we all know, great fun!
surrogate...
Dear Surrogate,
I assure you, I am NOT avoiding these issues. In fact, I'd welcome questions like this. It seems my readers don't have the scandalous questions you and I both crave. I have answered every question I have recieved, and as you can see, they are mostly pretty tame. The closest one to shock I recieved was the one about womens boobies. I eagerly await a question in which i can excersise my scolding and judging abilities. Thanks for reading! :)
been a long time since i visted ur blog and i was surprised to see what i missed.
anyway u seem to give sensible advice ;)
so here goes, i've always admired women in all aspects. coz they're strong, the life they lead, ofcourse the curvy bods and beautiful faces, blah blah blah. i'm not bi and have nothing against bi's.
i may sound perverted but pls don't take offense. i just have this weird thought in my head how great it might be to suck on boobies.
am i normal?
-nix
Dear Nix,
I think you are quite normal. Womens breasts have long been the standard of beauty. I'm not a lesbian, or even bi, but i believe that a womans body is one of the most beautiful things on earth. I'm sure if we asked our male friends for the truth, they would tell us that sucking on boobies is glorious.
I am having these cold sweats every Friday night during the football game when the opponent is about to score. Should I quit coaching and take up laying in a sauna so I know the cause for the sweating?
-Rand
Dear Rand,
Don't give up coaching, your team needs you! Instead, before each game, pop a few valiums, and chase them with a shot of vodka. i promise you, whether you win or lose the game, you will be a happy camper!
I notice that in the mornings, I feel frustrated by the effort of not allowing myself to smash in the face of everyone I meet.
The feeling subsides some after I remove the electronic shock collar I wear around my neck as a smoking succession device, (usually around noon) that, by that point in the day, has usually caused many painful jolts.
A quick stop at a 7-11 and the remitting of $5.00 in exchange for a little pack of unfiltered Pall Malls completes the transformation, and soon thereafter, I'm ready to love the world's population unconditionally - until the next morning when the situation repeats itself.
Can you help?
Dear person,
I had the same problem! But instead of smoking unfiltered pall malls, I found a better way to heal myself. Here is what you do:
1-Buy a copy of Richard Simmons Sweating to the 80’s.
2-Insert in VCR (they don’t make it on DVD)
3-Sweat to the 80’s until you feel loose.
4-Drink vodka instead of water to hydrate.
Soon, you will feel like a million bucks and you won’t want to smash anyone’s face!
Dear Miss Jane, I like this guy, and my friend also used to like him. I had heard rumours that he liked me, so to test it I wrote a song using the situation of my friend and I both liking a guy (this guy is in my band you see). I didn't make it obvious but he has since seen the song. He hasn't said anything to me, and usually he asks me why I wrote the songs. Has he realised what it's about or should I tell him?
-light
dear light,
wow! this sounds like an interesting situation. i decided not to try and be funny or clever here and actually try to come up with a good helpful answer. hmmm....
first of all, you need to talk with your friend. find out if she still likes him, or if she would care if you started to like him. if she says she doesnt mind, i think you should tell him. if she would mind, you need to evaluate how much the friendship means to you. i firmly believe that boys shouldnt come between friendships. its all about your priorites. if this guy is worth losing your friend, pursue it. if your friend means more to you than he does, stick with her. you seem to be a smart girl, i think you will do whats right for you. :)
is there a better cure for a hangover other than drinking water and trying to sleep with your head throbbing.
-User Friendly
Dear friendly user,
i always try and eat a piece of bread before i get wasted. it somehow keeps the hangovers at bay. If that doesnt work, you could buy some of those anti hangover pills. Or, you could stick to drinking water and soda all evening instead of the spirits.....
I Have lost all my women Bloggers to my Site.....What can I do?????
11thACR
Dear pig,
Maybe if you weren't such a sexist pig who talks only about degrading women and asking the color of their underwear, you would lure some women back. Instead, why don't you post about normal stuff like: what i did today.....what i think about stuff (not sexual) Leave the penis and other sex talk for all the times you are wanking off alone in your filthy apartment.
I am a computer science student with tons of schoolwork. Any suggestions on how to better get through those late nights studying? -Aussie Justin
Dear Aussie,
Wow! you are smart AND cool? Back in my difficult art school days....*ahem* i drank lots of double lattes to get through all my presentations. If that doesn't work, bust out a bottle of Jack and study away!!
[i]Send your concerns and questions to MissJane![/i]
I've noticed that there seem to be quite a few of you on your blog and you all wear the same tshirt and sunglasses. Was there cloning involved? Do you all live together?
You're all quite pretty by the way. Is this an accident of nature or was it the product of some devious plot in a secret lab somewhere?
Please advise.
-surrogate
Dear Surrogate,
The truth is, my 19 sisters and I are all the same person. We share one brain between us, and I happen to have it. Hence, the cool choice of clothing. Thanks for the compliment, we get it all the time.
[i] Send your concerns and questions to MissJane![/i]
Any suggestions as what we faithful tbloggers should do while our blogs are so messed up?
Sexy Sue
Dear Sexy,
I too have come across this problem. I have found it is an excellent time to get out there and take a walk, read a book, or walk the dog. For those more daring, a game of parcheesi might be fun while tblog is down. Some of the things i have done while tblog is down is: 1) go to work 2) make soup 3) paint my nails 4) call dreamy boys
my boyfriend really DOES fart all the time, what should i do?
-Suffocating in Seattle
Dear Suffocating,
What an unfortunate dissapointment for you! I suggest that you dump him directly. If that is not an option, try carrying around a spray bottle of perfume and spritz him when the spirit moves you (or him, if you know what i mean...)
For those of you who don't know, i am trying to get various charity organizations as well as private individuals to match tbucks for real bucks and give to those in needs. Of course, it would be too much to ask for. Even if they matched one tbuck to a penny, the above amount of $3,291,499 would turn into $32,914. That is a hefty sum!
Please let me know if anyone has any ideas on how to do this better.
today i feel grumpy and i have no reason why. i had a great weekend of rest, thai food, homemade pancakes and a midnight showing of Fight Club. What else could a girl ask for? maybe just an extra day tacked on to the weekend...
Help Children in the NICU/PICU Imagine having a baby or child in the NICU/PICU (neonatal or pediatric intensive care unit). Immagine the stress involved and the not knowing and all the anxiety of the situation. Now combine that with having lost everything due to a massive hurricane that has wiped out your entire way of life. That is exactly what the families of the patients who were in the NICU/PICU are going through right now. The March Of Dimes is accepting small care packages to give to the famlies impacted by this tragedy. The chapters in Alabama, Mississippi, Lousiana, and Texas are distributing them to the famlies of the NICU/PICU patients affected by Katrina who have been transfered to other hospitals. The care packages are not expensive or hard to make. You can basically make it with stuff that is laying around your house. They do not need to be big either because these famlies are in shelters with little room for storage.
Good Ideas To Put In A Care Package (please note that all items should be new or very clean): -Toiletries -Soap -Hand Sanitizer -Shampoo -Wash Cloths -water bottles -blankets -Towels -deodorant -small hair brush -face wipes -disposible camera -coloring book & crayons (for siblings) -notebook and pen for the parents -prepaid phone card -candy -disposible razor -pack of pony tail holders -stationary pack of 8 paper/envelopes -socks for the parents -anything else you could think of that you would want in that situation
Here is the address for shipping care packages: Also, the March of Dimes is also accepting diapers, formula, baby wipes, baby food, and clean baby clothes at the Louisana, Alabama, Texas, and Mississippi chapters. They will be able to distribute these to the local shelters and hospitals.
Louisiana Chapter March of Dimes 12015 Justice Avenue Baton Rouge, LA 70816 (225) 295-0655
March of Dimes Texas Chapter 8131 LBJ Freeway, Suite #115 Dallas, TX 75251-1311 (972) 669-3463
March of Dimes Houston Division Address: 3000 Weslayan, #100 Houston, TX, 77027 Phone: (713) 623-2020
March of Dimes Mississippi Chapter 330 North Mart Plaza, Suite 1 Jackson, MS 39206 (601) 362-8947
March of Dimes Alabama Chapter 450 Century Park South, Suite 200-B Birmingham, AL 35226 (205) 824-0103
Phone numbers are included incase you decide to overnight the care packages or other baby items. (I'd add preemie and possibly newborn clothing also - preemie sized clothing is sometimes hard to find and moms and dads may not want drive all over a strange area to find it.)
I think I'm going to send one. You're welcome to copy and post this from my page if it moves you to do so.
